5 months that is, i have already forgotten what made me active on this editing panel ages ago, what made me not and what brings me back now. truth is, the need to consolidate different thoughts and sum it all up in a post is actually daunting enough. more often than not i do still come back to check whoever on the blogroll pinned on the right sidebar is still functioning or are as dead as i am. igniting as ever it is to be catching up with the acquaintances via this activity that i have long abandoned. many however are as occupied as me with university workload, jobs and other happening events thus diminishing the like to drop a word here.
much just isn't quite right a word to be used here to describe the amount of things i have been through in less than half a year. yes. i have sailed through my varsity days and slid into that academic robe, received my scroll and sorry i didn't take enough photographs on such a big day since the weather just wasn't meant to be very friendly to us. i knew i'm a crap when it comes to recollection. barely could i recall the supposedly marked events to note down here. ah.. new home. right. a rented flat at the city centre, a decision i would considered wisely made. the beginning of bearing some responsibilities for my own welfare. utilities bill, council tax, internet bills, groceries, transports you name it, structuring each month's budget just isn't a pleasant task to do. not a burden, more of an evolution of own sense of maturity. my awareness starts to dismiss itself from the past attractions that were once so dear to me, dramas, travellings, bondings, studies. now that these have all drifted away from my attention, time to kick start the employment days with some detailed and well-structured time management for a lustrous career ahead. the scale is in me and it'd better be an efficient one.
mum had came over to stay for 3 months. her presence made what seemed to be too frightening to face by myself a lot easier. i just couldn't get enough of having her being here with me, away from despairs. be it a temporary escape, as long as she seeks comfort somehow. i can't be any less sorry for not being there for her and let her face those disturbing scenarios alone. now that she has summed up her courage and made a one-way decision, the provision of my full support and respect is all i want to do as long as she is happy. you live your life the way you want it to be, and that shall be your mainstay for the days to come. and i will do the same.
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第二个星期了，虽然实习了只有仅仅的10天，看到无数的病人进进出出，真让人感觉到人类无论你有多本事，多权威，面对生老病死时，我们能做的总是很有限。老公公老婆婆卧病在床，身上插满管子的又有，走不动的独自坐在椅子上等候家人来探望的又有，用尽全身力量只为了吸一口气的都有。这些画面告诉了我不是每个人都拥有或保留得住自个儿对生命的自主能力。我们忘了什么时候开始滥用了这般能力，失去了，即便你准许别人来为你的生命作决定，可怎么也弥补不会你失去的--健康，岁月，欢笑。
或许有些人会说没关系，错过了那也就罢了，我们有的是以后，人当然是要向前看。以后，未来，你我都能轻易说出口因为我们都还有四五十年的将来。话虽如此，我们都很清楚过去的20余年里都存在着一些无论多努力都赎不会的遗憾。到了30，40，50岁，这些遗憾只会倍增，那时我们会发现曾经的以后，未来已变成一种奢侈的渴求。
我发现自己有个亦好亦坏的本事--健忘
很惭愧我就是不擅长去记住很多别人眼中重要和刻骨铭心的事情，更别说那些琐碎的。就算事情发生当下足以在我的人生命中留下永远都磨灭不掉的烙印，不久后它便渐渐地被遗忘。所以即使文字不好又唠叨的我会尽量在我记得某某重要事情时把它们写在这儿。哪怕有一天我不想再写了，当我看回这些曾经对我而言是美好或伤心的记忆，它们仍然能把当初写部落格的动力给唤醒。
入了社会大学也代表生命另一个阶段的开始，一路走来还算顺利。但是，顺利只是侥幸。知识方面还得下很大的功夫，要尽快上手。不仅仅于此，工作顺利的关键--人际关系还真是个博大精心的学问。每天要提醒自己脸带微笑，保持礼貌，循规蹈矩也是让我每天下班后最筋疲力尽的原因。真怀疑自己什么时候才可以把这一切胜任。撇开这些不说，我仍然是幸运的，因为我找到一份有意义并且自己又喜欢的工作。能有这种际遇我知道我该知足，虽然尚有一点还不圆满，但我会试着用另一个心境去面对。毕竟改变不是一时三刻就能做到的。
When I Am Old, I
3 years ago
