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家信

Posted by peiying Thursday, May 26, 2011 1 comment

“你好,虽说现在科技异常发达,人民常用互联网,手机互通讯息,可是妈还是深信无论科技有多先进,它永远不能表达人类的心声和情意,所以我一直坚持 SMS 和 Skype 都不能代替家信的地位。因此我还是提笔写家信了。


看看日历,计计算算,不知不觉你到英国快近三分之二个年头了,怎不令人感到光阴如箭呢!回想起你刚出国的那段日子,每当我上菜市时,所选购的青菜还是以你平日爱吃的菜心为首选。经过娘惹糕档时,很自然地选了kuih talam (你喜欢的马来糕点)要付钱时才察觉女儿已在外国求学了。唯有无奈地将糕放回原处。


感谢互联网的功效,使我们母女俩能互相面对面谈心。给我的感觉如你在我身旁一样温馨。这该是让人觉得日子过得如流水般快的主要原因吧!


知道你的身体状况后,未免有少许的担心。除了要依据医生的药方外,自己也该尽量把身体照顾好。千万要懂得分轻重。求学考好成绩固然重要,但人的一生最重要的还是自己的健康。我要的是一个身心都健康的孩子,并不是那一张漂亮的文凭。凡是尽力就是圆满了。所以从今天起,就立心好好爱惜自己的身体吧!别让它承受过重的负担。        -母字 ”
                                                                                                                                              
一直以来妈妈在我心目中是一位铁面无私,挑剔,严厉,超实际,爱面子,要求高,有分寸的女人。对每件事情都能够 ‘鸡蛋里挑出骨头’,让我在很多时候做和说前都会忌她三分。但,外刚内柔的她就是嘴硬心软的最佳典范。妈妈从来都不会赞赏我,即使你做的再好她只会说你只是做好本分罢了。夸奖的话都不多说,要她承认自己的错简直比登天更难。


我就是在她管教之下长大的孩子。


小时候就被灌输要努力求学的思想。但考试成绩不理想,妈妈从不怨一句只说尽力了就好。
也从小就知道若想得到些什么,耍脾气,哭闹,哀求,这些方式对妈妈是不管用的。有本事就靠自己努力或长大了会赚钱才自己买。
不要看到别人有什么,就掀起贪念。奢侈是恶习,凡事够用就好。
做人要懂分轻重,什么该先做,就别找借口拖延。别因自己懒散而连累别人替你完成。


她不会说什么动听的话,又时常出口成章。嘴里说着不能,不许,不要,可是你对她提出的要求,她都牢牢记住然后用间接方式让你如愿。
就好像她记得我最爱吃的东西,虽然她自己不喜欢吃,或她觉得那食物多不健康,偶尔,妈妈还是会买给我。


她教会了我独立,认真,包容,实际,适中,和体谅。可是妈,你没教会我怎么把心底最真实的感受说出口。我们俩从来都不会把关心的话挂在嘴边,也不曾因什么节日而送彼此礼物。之董事以后,我没再为你做母亲节卡。久而久之,我忘了怎样从嘴巴中套出一句关怀或感激的话,一切都只会放在心里。


你这封信让我百感交集。我怎么就不知到原来你能如此感性的表达你的关怀和思念。skype 时,我都丝毫察觉不到那点点情意。我是不是越来越迟钝了?请原谅我的笨拙因为我心中的那座防卫墙已根深蒂固了。也因此幽默和讽刺成为了我遮掩害怕最有效工具。


放心吧妈!你女儿我在国外一切安好。看到的,听到的,认识和学到的都将是百利而无一害的体验。你教会我的必然是一生受用。你为这个家的默默付出和对我无微不至的照顾,我是知道的。等到那一天当我能另你感到欣慰和骄傲,即使你一句话都没说,我也会知道,因为我是你女儿。

imperfections

Posted by peiying Tuesday, May 24, 2011 0 comment

seems like i've deserted this place for a month. can't help with so much memorising to do, so many applications to be filled in, and those unnerving preparations for case presentations. as daunting as these may be, on the bright side, thankful that these weren't even near to the distresses my fellow working friends are experiencing. work has made them lived their days in melancholy. work has ripped off the jovial side of my bubbly friends, work has cut off their usual social networks, and work, has built an invisible wall between us, unknowingly its thickness increases day by day. 

often you'll hear laments on how obscure their job prospect is, how appalling their colleagues are. sometimes, one couldn't help but feel sorry for them when you come to realise the pain to wake up early everyday, being stuck in those nerve-racking traffic jams, repeating mundane tasks, which you didn't enjoy at all. despite all, the most saddening scenario is when going to work becomes attending a masquerade. everyone starts masking up, putting on fake smiles albeit how disgusted they felt towards their premiers. as time passes by, our genuine smiles subside unconsciously. 

nevertheless, those who had to lived through their jobs for they had no better options, i couldn't salute these people enough. for they understood what 'no pain no gain' really meant. fretting over things we cannot make a difference does no good to the situation at all. perhaps it's healthier to presume that although we may drudge now, it's because we are young and we are able to. we labour for a purpose so mighty that when we look back decades from now, it's all worth it. at the very least, we're enriched from the ups and downs. 


guess my body's showing signals of ageing. constantly knocked on my joints, result of clumsiness and the perpetual pain on my knee, which i assumed is an early development of arthritis. hahaha... but no joke, the pain was excruciating especially during bedtime. every bend comes with a wee bit ache. couldn't find any more excuses to defer my visit to the GP, although i'm incredibly reluctant to force myself through the 66km/h wind. weather in glasgow for the past weeks had been nonsensical. should i be expecting a cyclone or a hurricane to hit soon?
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倒数一个月又要独自乘搭14个小时飞机回乡。毕竟很迫不及待迎接那一天的到来,但一想到要离开家的那一天就自然的万般不舍。想念坐在怡保老店里喝传统白咖啡,听着老老的客人们大声的畅谈我国经济有多差,我国政治有多糟。你一句我一句嘻嘻哈哈的又一天。听到他们称赞本店食物好吃,又会在心里暗喜。


打烊了,客人走了,晚上的大街好宁静。只听见吊在天花板已有40多年的铁风扇摇动的声音。过年过节,大小姨和妈妈还有姨丈们都会待在大堂也就是摆在店中间最大的桌子那儿继续聊天。一边剥花生,一边喝茶,天南地北什么话题都聊。我就是爱做那旁听者因为这班”大人” 的言语实在是幽默中带点讽刺。这,就是广东话的威力。哈哈!


这也许看起来只是闲话家常,但不知为什么隐约里觉得如果以后50岁的我能像他们一样,偶尔能聚在一起畅所欲言那该多好。熬了大半辈子的我们不就只是想无忧无虑,有说有笑的过每一天。喜欢就和老朋友喝喝茶,去吃好的,打麻将或一起去旅行。这样的要求不过分吧?