.p.rae.lu.dium.

it felt as though exam's is still on.
well yes, yesterday was the last day of exams, which marks the end of my journey through A-Levels.
still in the middle of exam dilemma..
still at the point of wondering whether or not exam is really over..
hence, not so much of happy things to brag about though the studying process for exam is real daunting and dreadful.

yet, i'm still looking forward for the trip in days time... YEEPEE!! at least i can recline a little after all these months
somehow, on and off there's still this unspeakable ache in my heart
i know it'll haunt me till 16th of August
i know there's no way getting rid of it out of my mind
for i am the always pessimist type
i do not want to disappoint anyone
or perhaps i should correct my sentence
i do not want to disappoint myself most

the worries still persist
as though some cancer patient waiting for reports on whether or not their tumor is malignant
imagine how would one react upon receiving reports that it is malignant?
YES! that's the feeling! now you know how i feel..
i knew my problems,
it's either being unconfident or over confident
never once i can get myself into the middle path, WHY?!


though i felt that i did alright for it, but after several thoughts then the devil comes by
in fraction of seconds, the world seems to felt so hopeless, so real,
despite all the hardwork, i still need assurance on the recognition of my effort
and the answer will only come to me in 2 months time
but anticipating is a real freaking process,
it's tiring, it's agonising, it's torturing, it's fearful,
not knowing whether it'll be your day or not
and what if it's not?
what do i do?
where can i go?

i really don't know


perhaps the answer is something that one should not put high hopes on.