.p.rae.lu.dium.

have been pondering over it for a while.

taking dip exam soon, that's why must make sure.

i never fully understand the 'music' i've learnt for all my life. it was when i took up lessons from this person i call maestro, that i started developing real interest into what i've been playing. all these while i've been playing the piano, yes PLAYING, and that's all i've done. playing it ONLY. never really set my mind, or even listen to what i'm playing. what message it's conveying, what essence of the piece that i'm supposed to bring out, what are the intentions of the composer, and what's more, do i really comprehend the piece or not. i don't know.

i grew up learning this instrument with some very grusome experiences of practising scales. ok, i wouldn't say it's real grusome but it's not likeable. i never liked scales for al my life. it's just very technical. and when you played it wrongly, you'll get scolded and a knock on the knuckles.. ish....!! and that is why i took recital dip instead of performance dip.

i knew that i'm not the stereotype person with in-born musical talents, unlike some of my schoolmates who really were. but it was the nurture given at a very young age that this interest had already began growing in me that i didn't realise. if one day i am given a choice of abandoning either my current studies or my music studies, (VERY tough choice) i wouldn't really know what to prefer as both are equally important in my life.

sometimes knowing how to play the instrument makes you felt a little proud of where you stand among your peers. wrong, wrong! only when i took up 'exact' music education, i saw so many great talents everywhere around us. these talents DO made me felt intimidated. they too took up the same instrument as you did, why is it that people can master chopin, beethoven , ravel so fluently at that very young age but you can't? why is it that people are able to deliver every single note passionately when you yourself learnt the same thing but you are not able to? now THAT'S the question. WHY?!


is it because you didn't have sufficient practise? or is it the piano you are playing on is not good enough that you'll need a steinway grand to assist you? is it that you are not born to play the instrument as well as others did?


i used to think those were the possibilities, but fact is, they are not the major elements of your failure. (but yes, a lousy piano REALLY does pull down your enthusiasm). it's all because i'm not listening to what i've been playing all these while. like i've said, i'm just playing the piece. but if you ask me what am i trying to tell you through my playing, i have no answer.


for instance, you were performing on a grand stage. imagine, the stage is so empty, it's just you and the piano, with thousands of eyes watchng over you. do you think every single audience present would listen so attentively to catch the one or two mistakes you made, (ok.. perhaps more than that amount -___-") what they are looking forward to are the messages the composer is trying to convey, the excitement of the climax, the anger of that running forte passages, the romanticissim of the dolce smooth flowing movements. the piano is dead
wood, but not the player.