.p.rae.lu.dium.

not that i didn't try to work it out, but it seemed unfruitful to erase the fact of age gap between me and my coursemates. waifun and suyu says, don't mind it, you'll get along quite well with them after some time. haih... i really doubt that.

it might be due to the person i've developed into all this while when i left student life. before resuming back to norm, i've thrown myself into the real working life, seen lots of unforeseen circumstances beyond a student's point of view and being more independent. ok, not to say that i'm THAT independent, it's just that i'd relied less on others, and prefers to settle most of the things on my own.

seeing my coursemates is like looking at myself 5 years ago. everything you do, you always want a friend to accompany you. you do not want to take up responsibility over what you've done wrong, trying to give excuses to push the guilt away. you'll never had the guts to confront the authorities when you do not abide to something.

i still remember there's one time when my orientation officer (OO) is trying to somehow threaten me for not wanting to participate in the orientation. she was urging me join in, but i insist that i didn't want to at that time cause i have no transport. then she came out with a 'threatening' phrase saying that if i resist to go, i'll have to talk to the orientation president. that instant, without hesitation, i straight away fired her with an answer, "OK. No problem, I'll talk to him." another friend of mine who did not want to go as well was bewildered and my OO too was staring at me in dismay. then, my OO kept silence...

this was a matter of transition of mind level. i'm not declaring that i can now handle things maturely , it's just that i knew what i did was right and am not afraid to face the consequences over my actions. like it or not, i couldn't care less. well, that's not only me, my cousins were mostly like that too. must be in the genes, we were the i-won't-approach-you type. we were the ones who took the least initiatives to BE in the group unless being with our very close friends. we were the alienated ones. haha..

the whole orientation week puts me in a situation that i've never thought i would be. being the rather insignificant role in the team not only lessen my worries as to what is not being done yet, what costumes are not settled yet. in fact. i'd actually had more time on my studies and am more attentive in lectures, which is so not me. still remember in secondary school days, the defiant me and my gang were body-without-souls in class, discussing craps upon the subject. well, that WAS me. the WAS me.

growing am i or not? i'm not sure. but definitely a yes to mentality. there's a scale in me which evaluates whichever agenda should rank higher and which should take a lower one. like i said, i've paid thousands to gain knowledge here, not to fool around, thinking that i can sail through uni years as long as i pass my exams. NO! NO! ini bukan gua sekarang.

yet, i'm still in search for someone whom i can build lasting friendship with throughout my pharmacy years. after all, 4 years of highs and lows, you wouldn't want to deal with them all alone eh...?

clock is ticking,time to get back to practical report and maths tutorials.