.p.rae.lu.dium.

did my ATCL (Associate Trinity College London) Diploma last wednesday. this time more convinced with it. i'm sure. just that here and there some minor mistakes which i just drag through as though nobody's business.

最近在电台听到这首能令我鼻子有点酸酸的感觉的歌。在宁静的夜晚听更是特别的感动。这几晚临睡前都会拿出 iPod 听一遍。是梁静茹的纯真。果然会暖暖你的心。去下载听听吧！



长长的路上我想我们是朋友
如果有期待我想最好是不说
你总是微笑的你总是不开口
世界被你掌握

月亮绕地球地球绕着太阳走
我以为世界是座宁静的宇宙
今晚的天空有一颗流星划过
在预言着什么

* 在无声之中你拉起了我的手
我怎么感觉整个黑夜在震动
耳朵里我听到了心跳的节奏
星星在闪烁
你怎么说

你心中一定有座浓雾的湖泊
任凭月光再皎洁照也照不透
你眼中闪烁湖面无边的温柔
那波光在诱惑

Repeat*

你已经有他就不应该再有我
世界的纯真此刻为你有迷惑
我想我应该轻轻放开你的手
我却没有力气这么做
我却没有力气这么做

have been pondering over it for a while.

taking dip exam soon, that's why must make sure.

i never fully understand the 'music' i've learnt for all my life. it was when i took up lessons from this person i call maestro, that i started developing real interest into what i've been playing. all these while i've been playing the piano, yes PLAYING, and that's all i've done. playing it ONLY. never really set my mind, or even listen to what i'm playing. what message it's conveying, what essence of the piece that i'm supposed to bring out, what are the intentions of the composer, and what's more, do i really comprehend the piece or not. i don't know.

i grew up learning this instrument with some very grusome experiences of practising scales. ok, i wouldn't say it's real grusome but it's not likeable. i never liked scales for al my life. it's just very technical. and when you played it wrongly, you'll get scolded and a knock on the knuckles.. ish....!! and that is why i took recital dip instead of performance dip.

i knew that i'm not the stereotype person with in-born musical talents, unlike some of my schoolmates who really were. but it was the nurture given at a very young age that this interest had already began growing in me that i didn't realise. if one day i am given a choice of abandoning either my current studies or my music studies, (VERY tough choice) i wouldn't really know what to prefer as both are equally important in my life.

sometimes knowing how to play the instrument makes you felt a little proud of where you stand among your peers. wrong, wrong! only when i took up 'exact' music education, i saw so many great talents everywhere around us. these talents DO made me felt intimidated. they too took up the same instrument as you did, why is it that people can master chopin, beethoven , ravel so fluently at that very young age but you can't? why is it that people are able to deliver every single note passionately when you yourself learnt the same thing but you are not able to? now THAT'S the question. WHY?!


is it because you didn't have sufficient practise? or is it the piano you are playing on is not good enough that you'll need a steinway grand to assist you? is it that you are not born to play the instrument as well as others did?


i used to think those were the possibilities, but fact is, they are not the major elements of your failure. (but yes, a lousy piano REALLY does pull down your enthusiasm). it's all because i'm not listening to what i've been playing all these while. like i've said, i'm just playing the piece. but if you ask me what am i trying to tell you through my playing, i have no answer.


for instance, you were performing on a grand stage. imagine, the stage is so empty, it's just you and the piano, with thousands of eyes watchng over you. do you think every single audience present would listen so attentively to catch the one or two mistakes you made, (ok.. perhaps more than that amount -___-") what they are looking forward to are the messages the composer is trying to convey, the excitement of the climax, the anger of that running forte passages, the romanticissim of the dolce smooth flowing movements. the piano is dead
wood, but not the player.

今天在新洲日报读到这一片短文。。既浪漫又有一点搞笑。标题是《如何吻得高招》。

短文如下：

THES-QS world universitiy rankings once again place malaysia out of complimentable status. this time, even worse, not even found in top 200... what more to say? you tell me, what more to say?

as always, Harvard reigns supreme, and this time Yales went on par with Oxford and Cambridge in 2nd place too. MIT, Stanford and Cornell descends to 10th, 19th and 20th place respectively but still securing top 20 ranking. several universities in top 20 last year would have to make way this time which includes Peking University, University of California, UniMelb, Ecole Normale Supérieure and also NUS. London School of Economics showed drastic dropping from one of the top 20 to this year's 59. hmmm...

many shown progress from previous years such as UCL, John Hopkins, Mcgill, Chicago, Tokyo U, HKU, Carnegie Mellon and Edinburgh. Tokyo U being the top Asia university this time beating those from last year, eg: Peking U and NUS. *Applause*

and here are the top 200.

the question is...malaysia universities no where to be seen?

in fact the question should be...hoi! gov malaysia, bila nak bangun??

a simple test about my characteristics was taken, and here's the result:

You work hard, seeking success. You are self-sufficient and in spite of all the trials and tribulations that have beset you in the past you carry on regardless.. You are one to be admired because you pursue your objectives single-mindedly and with initiative. You know that you can 'do it' and what is more, you will - without necessarily being dependent upon the goodwill of others.

You are looking for something different. Your imagination has been working overtime and you are seeking adventure - and you'd like to share that adventure, the new experience, with someone like yourself: Imaginative, Enthusiastic and Sensitive.

It's the time of year that you are apt to become extremely restless and emotionally withdrawn. This is preventing you from becoming deeply involved with a person or persons within your sphere of influence. If you are willing to 'let go' and release your inhibitions you will find that a great deal of physical satisfaction will result, far more than perhaps you even believed you were capable of.

It is said that we are all influenced by our environment and indeed you are no exception. It would seem at this time that even though you may be surrounded by people, you are experiencing an inner loneliness. Fortunately you are sufficiently strong minded to realise that life has a great deal to offer you and that you may miss your share of experiences if you fail to make the best use of every opportunity. You therefore pursue your objectives with a fierce intensity and are prepared to commit yourself deeply and readily. You believe that whatever you would like to do or think 'you can do' - you do! It is because of this attitude that you may be considered by others as arrogant and even conceited, but its fair to say that whatever it is that you really want out of life you will put your heart and soul into it and will not take 'NO' for an answer.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realise or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

to what extent is this applicable to you, try it out yourself. click here.

totally amazing, totally breathtaking! just speechless!

哇！！好开心！！ 终于卖到了新的球鞋！！



damn happy lor!!! Don't care lah whether it's new design or not. i'm just so desperate for a new pair. WOOHOO!!

the old pair is already in a very sad condition.. the bottom layer totally torn, the inner padding also worn out liao. sent for stitching also no use.


我不是一个爱追流行的人。所以对球鞋的款式都不会太过于执著。可是当你去到新加坡的 Queensway Mall, WHOA!!! stunned man!!!!!!!!! 整间广场都是买运动的物品。只是底层都已经有80%的球鞋店了。款式多的是。discounts? 当然有啦！！还很多呢！10-35%。it's a must go place when you are in singapore. whether you want to buy or not also must go. if converted back to ringgit also slightly cheaper, some much cheaper also leh. but you don't have so many designs to choose in malaysia.


果然是花多眼乱，都不知道要选哪一个。可是我的人很随便的啦。。（hehe). eh.. really loh, i only fonder Nike. that pretty much narrows down my choices. oh yes, Nike always have the design i want and its sportshoes are mostly quite versatile. suitable for all usage.


one thing i must comment is the parking fees in that building. aiyoh.... quite expensive leh. 1st hour S$1.50, consecutive half hours, S$1.20. we were there for only like one hour plus, S$3.90 gone. that is equivalent to RM9 for only one hour plus parking. WAH!!!


and this is what i get in that duration of RM9 parking fees..







faster say, it's NICE!

我抱着期待的心情去观看这部。还记得那天全院都差不多满座。

无可否认，想看这部电影的部分原因是因为戏中主角的大胆演出。
其二则是因读过报章上所描写角色里的无奈。真的让人有点点的伤感。

尤其是女主角。。





王佳芝






一个天真平凡的女生，美丽的面孔和精湛的演技，在一次的演出就注定改变她的一生。电影里的情欲戏都被剪的七七八八，虽然有点失望，可是剧情依然非常出动人心。失望的是剪掉的部其实才是整部戏的精髓。易先生和王佳芝两人在情欲里的纠缠其实想表达的不只是两人在性爱方面的放任，而是最终的讯息是两个抱着不同任务的人在战国时代的无奈及恐惧。


戏里的王佳芝大概说过，“...他每次都让我痛苦流血，哭喊，才会满意。因为这样他才觉得自己是活着的。“


我曾在报章上读到，


“....对一个年轻天真，没有识过男人的女孩来说，性到底是什么？在为了国家，为了刹汉奸的理由下，阔出去和一个男人激情地做爱，那样的性爱是什么？"


“...我从来见过一个男演员在床戏中能演绎那么令人痛彻心肺的孤独感，你几乎可以感觉当他的表情是极端绝望的时候，就是他几近高潮的时候。”




一位那么被受重用的特务官，在现实生活中是那么的空虚。可能只有这样他才能违背良心，甘心当个汉奸。

易先生最怕的是黑暗的地方。在那一些日本官人的眼里，他看到的是恐惧感。在日本歌姬的声音里，他听到的是沧桑感。



邝裕民这个角色原本可以和王佳芝有一段美好恋情的，如果时局不是这样，如果他们不是那么幼稚的话，然而事实却变成他要眼睁睁看着自己喜欢的女孩子变成汉奸的情妇，和他痛恨的人一次又一次疯狂激情地做爱。又是一个无奈的角色。








原来一个女人真的可以为爱而勇敢。王佳芝能为爱国而不惜一切，牺牲自己。她也能为她爱的男人而忘我，失去理性。正如张爱玲在小说里云淡风轻，“要得到男人的心，要经过他的胃；要得到女人的心，要经过她的阴道。” 也许她真的已经被这个男人征服了。

在戏尾，王佳芝，邝裕民及他们的同党都被枪毙。临死前，还深情地望着对方。眼神里，我看不到邝裕民应有的愤怒，只看见他仿佛早已料到会有这么一天，所以，他原谅了她。能和心爱的人死在一起，也算是种幸福。最安慰的是他们能一起脱离这个乱世。

而另一方面，易先生应恨她。恨一个曾经令他心动过，而后被她背叛的一个女人。可是，他并没有。知道真相后也不敢亲自审问她。可能是不敢相信这个曾和他在床上激情做爱的女人，竟然是已十面埋伏自他于死地的人。或则应该说，他不敢眼睁睁看见自己心爱的女人因他而死。

他为她的死而流泪和自责。

难道汉奸就不可以有人性化的一面？

同样的压抑，同样的无奈，电影《色，戒》带出了更细腻柔情的伤感。

there's this particular time when you would want to do that particular thing so much, you don't care whatever obstructs, you just want to do it at that moment.

then there's this momentary unspeakable pleasure that makes you think it's worth doing it. yes! pleasure! the ke-shiok-ness-an yang tak terhingga! my 10 shioks..



1. showering yourself under warm water when your body is even stickier than glue.
2. washing off facial foams from my blemish prone skin.
3. gulping glasses and glasses of hot chinese tea after consuming char kuey tiao. "AHHHHHHH"
4. indulging into my favourite hk series in an a/c room served with a bowl of hot red bean tong sui. 'slurp'!
5. FINALLY figured out the answer after doing whole page of silly long workings to my differentiation and integration questions.
6. found out that your long-time-no-contact friend actually remembers you and left you an offline message on messenger.
7. kena the last digit in 4D and get to draw another lucky ticket for FREE!
8. scratch, scratch, scratch, the itchy mosquitoe bite.
9. playing that 2 bar running passages fluently after 92048357 tries.
10. pending....



AHHHHH............. the pleasure.....



now, list me your 10.

一年一度的中秋佳节又来临，场上的月饼种类也一年比一年多样化。巧克力味啦，咖啡味啦，绿茶味啦，红枣味啦，黑加仑子味啦，鸡丝味啦，甚至连火腿味和 Cheese 味都有。menakutkan.. imagine ham with lotus paste, what a combination! it's like eating onion with chocolate. -___-"

让我们来看一看如今在市场上比较常见的月饼品牌， 它们在包装上的一些创意。

____________



1。锦伦泰


今年锦伦泰推出了三款礼盒，金色的是旧的，红色的是新的吧（因为我没有看过）haha.. paiseh.. 还有一个真的太难看了，所以没有资格被放上榜。woiseh...



























































和往年一样，锦纶太的月饼纸带还是同一款式。果然省本钱。


2。玉壶轩

这样看起来，玉壶轩的包装显得有点寒酸。四方形的礼盒在今天这个那么讲究创意的年代早就应该被淘汰了。使用鲜红色的纸带反而更适合用来送结婚时的礼饼。

3。海外天

海外天一向来都是比较喜欢使用鲜艳的颜色作为主体，可是看起来今年的礼盒不如往常来的受瞩目。反而它们的纸带比较能吸引我。无可否认，在众多品牌的纸带，海外天是更胜一层。

颜色搭配非常好。漂亮吧？哈哈。。

4。喜月堂

喜月堂这个名字也许还有很多人都没有听过。比起刚提过的品牌，它在市场的日子不长。可是说到创意，还是‘年龄’较轻的喜月堂获胜。毕竟，新的品牌知名度不高，所以要从包装上加工来引人注意。随着韩剧的热潮，所推出的一系列礼盒都带有点点韩式的风格。

5。爱康

爱康这个名字相信对不少人都不陌生了。这品牌一向来都以保健品为主。最常听到的莫过于他们的蓝藻产品。就在近年，爱康也推出了月饼。当然，保健品的月饼也一样的健康。式过那么多的月饼，总觉得爱康的月饼没那么甜。可说是甜而不腻，刚刚好。包装呢，也蛮符合主题的。中秋节吗，当然有很多秋叶啦。right?

________________________

看来现代人对中秋节送月饼这个概念也逐渐变化了。以前就比较注重于那一个品牌最好吃，如今是要看哪一个品牌的包装最特别，最好看。毕竟是送礼吗，礼盒越好看就显得送礼的人越注重被送礼的那一个。管他好不好吃，又不是我吃... wakakaka... jinkak...

wouldn't it be fantastic if you could remove all the blemishes off your skin, even the tone of your skin, removes those irritating freckles of yours and also clarify your skin without spending hundreds on skincare and cosmetics products or seeking help from dermatologist? imagine eliminating them all D-I-Y at the comfort of your home. and you do actually get results. say goodbye to Lancome, Elizabeth Arden, Clinique, SK II, etc..etc...


and i bestow you...

the mighty....

and the price for 60ml bottle..

RM 138!!

that's a whole lot more expensive than any other branded cleansing gel on market now.

no wonder so many function lah...

anyway, let's try it out since it's even more miracle than SK II's miracle water (神奇水) haha.. and i'm so willing to be the guinea pig. who knows, i can be the next 琦琦。wakaka..

was demoralized these few weeks due to some 'unforeseen' bringdown. some of you should know what the letdown is. i'm sure. so please don't bother asking ok? to be point blank, it's a terrible ordeal for me to even look at it. devastated? yes i am. alright, bring it to an end.

my days were barren this month, most of the things done are fruitless. i was thinking that this time i'm done with it. i thought maybe god has something better for me, perhaps another path is awaiting me to step on. i almost made my decision according to what i thought god had 'arranged' for me. still, i felt something awkward, something's telling me that me to reconsider whether or not i should embark on something that i'm not sure i have strong interest in. is that 'something' my intuition? i don't know. weeks were spent like that, i pondered thoroughly. inference is, i should do something my heart desires more. but i have too much of it, *like always*. and again, i let god decide for me, haha..*what i do best*.

another 2 weeks more, 3 of our friends will leave us for further studies. one to scotland, one to india, and the other..... to nottingham (semenyih campus lah) wakaka... i do envy them for they know and will undertake their desired courses respectively. everyone seems to have a goal to achieve, what about me? seems like i'm leaving everything to fate. i do not want it that way. i have my own ambition too. something real big. too big that i'm not certain my current situation would allow me to pursue my own dreams. i do not want to continue being a burden to my family anymore. i want to be independent.

though i know my mom supports me 200%, i do not want things to be that way. she should be enjoying her retirement that time and not still worries about my future. she deserves what is best for her. she should spend on things she desired most and not on what i desired for those money are hers, not mine. she worked hard, real hard for it. hence, if that is the way my fate is destined for, i knew there's always something better that awaits me. 天无绝人之路。hehe..

life isn't blunt end. perhaps you might think i'm creating a self-persuading situation here. but that is the only method to make myself happier and also the people around me happier.

顺其自然吧。老土的说一句：“是你的就是你的，不属于你的，在怎么勉强也不回快乐”

have been real relaxed since last month. nothing too special happened and that's why can;t come up with anything to blog. reflecting the days that had passed, i really had wasted much time not doing anything. but it's not up to me to decide. not that i do not want to look for jobs, I DID!

let me list out the jobs that i had went interviewed for. firstly is the music teacher position at this music school at taman tun. as usual, the same old reply, "we'll call you up if we have students for you". walao... if you don't have any students then what for you call me up for interview? main-main ar?

next, went to another music centre at kota damansara. asked for music teacher position, they offer me admin clerk. haih... work 6 days a week, 10 hours each day, and the pay...



the very big RM 1200. Yes! you see it right.

RM 1200. really make full use of the employee. *claps*

few days later, went to the kindergarten at the back row of my housing area. the working hours are quite alright, the pay is alright too.. approximately 7 bucks per hour. but due to some particular special reasons, turn down the offer again. then came across newspaper and called another kindergarten. this time, offering teacher assistant, working hours not as good as the previous one, the pay... way lower than the previous one, one thing to compliment, the environment and the principal. very nice principal indeed. i think they are in desperate need of assistants, she agreed to most of my requirements. no need to stay back till 6.30, no need to work on saturdays, from no EPF to given EPF.

then days after considering whether or not i will take the job, a call came. it's from a private school offering me music teacher position. fabulous pay, super nice environment. went for the interview, then principal says have to wait for the regional director to come back for a second interview before deciding on the exact pay. he asked me to wait for his call. in return, i've turned down the offer from the kindergarten. i do feel bad. then got intro to this daycare offering tuition teacher position for standard 1 and 2 students. excellent working hours and pay. due to my unconfirm timetable at the private school, i put them on hold. days passed, people from the private school had put my tolerance to maxima, i called them and they said the director was still outstation. and i gave them another 2 days. again.. no ring on the phone and i said, that's it. i wouldn't wait for it anymore. i gave the daycare a ring and what the heck, they told me that they had hired another teacher. SHIT MAN! i told them that i haven't confirm yet not that i do not want the job. the person in charge told me that she thought that i decline the offer and told the management to hire another teacher. WHAT THE... she's just way too best.

so desperate was i to find a job since august is approaching, i decided to rely on myself rather than waiting for those fake promises. i've had enough.

i've decided to have my own tuition classes. since the government implemented law on prohibiting school teachers giving private tuitions at home, i thought that this would be my chance of taking over their students. but who knows... it still is damn difficult to find students. WHY?! WHY?! WHY?!

why is everything going against my will?!
what is happening?!
is it so difficult for me to find a secure, good pay, ok working , temporary job?

all these sums up had burden my fear for the a-levels results is releasing soon. that means .. more to fear.

everything is so simple and warm here. the people, the houses, the kids and their smiles. 45 minutes drive from sungai buloh, we've reached kuala selangor, a small fishing village amidst sea and greenery. this small community consist mostly chinese with a minority of malays and indians. villagers here normally perform the same routine everyday. they set off to sea around 5am, bringing back netful of various types of fishes, prawns, and squids.

during weekdends, people from the city like us, would come and purchase seafoods as they are really fresh from the sea. and i guaranty you 99% the seafood here are definitely fresh that you cannot resist buying them. dry products were made from their catchings too, namely ikan masin, sotong kering, fishballs, prawn crackers and much more.









ikan masin anyone?
















aunties making 4000 fishballs EVERYDAY!













real or not?!









we had lunch at this i forgot what name restaurant situated by the sea. um... in terms of view, not very fascinating though. but who cares, what matters the most is that the food served is SO DAMN GOOD!





the very fresh sotong makes every bite worth 45 minutes of drive









super fresh promfet , oh.. just beyond words..







the shops mostly situated by the sea all have their own dock as platform to receive fishermen coming back from sea. most of the catchings go to the middle man before being sold at the market, whereas some are selling to the people coming into their shop personally. i would not say that the price they are selling for is very cheap but it is worth buying from them for the freshness *that is if you do not mind the journey lah*






waiting, waiting and still waiting... when is the boat coming?

AH! finally....

life seems so simple that money is no big issue for the people here. it is the togetherness and the strength of the community, the warmth of their smiles, the breeze from the sea, the tranquility of the surroundings and most important the simplicity you can never find in the concrete jungle that makes this place a perfect escapade from the hectic and complex lifestyle of the city.